So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
