whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
