Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
