I could have mohawked her pubes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
