You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
