...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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