I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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