I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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