I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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