I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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