my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
