Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I cockslap morals
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
