Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
