Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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