also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
