when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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