Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
