Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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