The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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