I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
