Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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