i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
