U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
