I cannot find my penis.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
