It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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