Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
