And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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