Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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