I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
