the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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