Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
