Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
