i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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