I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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