I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
