I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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