I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
