we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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