So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
