so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
