Whod you bang
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
