I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
