May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just invented taco cereal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
