No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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