Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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