Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
