i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I could fuck to npr.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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