your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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