I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
