I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
