We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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