what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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