Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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