did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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