oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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