Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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