I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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