He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
