ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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