Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
