Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
