I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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