I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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