If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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