My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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