P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize