Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize