ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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