It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
