Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
