I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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