Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
