good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
