i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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