standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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