I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
last night I used snow as a chaser
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
