so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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