I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
