His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
