And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
