I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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