do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
