We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
