i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
