yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize