Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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