You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
