Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When are your genitals available?
I would fuck him just for his dog
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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