insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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