Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
