i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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