dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize