the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
