I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
