one might say we're banned from that church
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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