i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize